Guest Kween: LAETITIA ELFASSY “First Time Mum, Married And Divorced In Two Years!”

Guest Kween: LAETITIA ELFASSY “First Time Mum, Married And Divorced In Two Years!”

If you told me 5 years ago that today I’d be a single Mum in France and going through a divorce, I would have said “Yeah right!”.

3 years ago, I moved back to France from Australia after living and working there in media. While I was there all I cared about were my friends, having a drink, planning for my next holiday and pretty much LIVING THE LIFE!

Having already spent thirteen years down under I made the decision that it would be best to move back to France and be close to my family. I had to do things differently in order to get a different outcome. I was petrified of the unknown and what was going to happen next but I was certain about one thing: I had to take charge.

So at the end of the Summer of 2014, I quit my very well-paid job in radio, gave notice to my apartment in Bondi Beach and packed all my belongings into storage.

In June, I flew to France and spent 3 months there living at my Dad’s. I realized soon enough that I definitely had to move back permanently and start a new life there close to my loved ones.

So I flew back to Australia in September to sell my car and all my belongings. It was hard to say goodbye to all my friends, mostly my best friends that I shared all my favorite memories with from my twenties and thirties but here I was now forty and needing to start something new. I was frightened of what was to come but at the same time excited and ready.

I still remember that first day arriving back home in France with my suitcase, it was cold and raining, a typical winter’s day. “Fuck! What was I thinking?!”.

Regardless, I was motivated and I knew I would be able to start over. I immediately started to send out my resume and look for apartments in the city. By January 2015, I had moved into my new flat and things started to get easier. I decided to check out Tinder to see what kind of men there were around here.

I quickly began to make a few connections, and with this one guy in particular, let’s call him Samuel! 😉 He was kind and persistent. I waited 2 months and turned him down 3 times before agreeing to our first date on the 25th of February 2015.

When we met, it was love (or lust) at first sight. We had dinner and drank all night, and from that point on we started seeing each other every day. He was very romantic, wrote me little notes, sent me flowers, took me to London, Paris, Spain. He spoiled me with gifts and told me everyday I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He was extremely nice to my family and we had a lot of common interests. The romance was there, I was hooked!

On the 31st of July 2015, he proposed with an amazing diamond ring and by August I was pregnant with our child! I was very lucky to fall pregnant quickly, being forty years old. We were happy and were looking forward to the future.

We quickly moved in together and started planning our wedding (well now that I look back, I planned our wedding, hahaha!).

In March 2016, we bought a 3 bedroom apartment, in April I gave birth to our son, whom I named Sydney after the beautiful Australian city I lived in and in August, we said “I do”.

Everything happened so fast, I didn’t have time to realize what was going on. That’s when things started to change.

After the wedding, our lives slowed down and I had huge postpartum depression. This shit is real and those hormones hit you hard (even harder when you’re forty I reckon). I adored my son more than anything but couldn’t fight the sadness and stress of the sleepless nights and the scare of anything happening to him. Yep, depression is real!

Instead of supporting me and helping me through this phase, my husband was blaming me for being depressed and scared all the time. I decided to ignore his attitude and keep moving forward. I started a new job and focused on my son’s happiness and wellbeing.

My husband was working too and we lived together like this for a few months but we soon became strangers to each other; that’s when we started sleeping in separate beds and the communication was non-existent. We only discussed matters about our son and his needs. Within a few months after getting married, we were like roommates. We stopped going out on dates but mostly stopped making plans for the future. It was dull, boring and suffocating.

A week before our first wedding anniversary, my sister had a terrible accident and was in intensive care for 2 months and that’s when things really started to go downhill. My husband was not supportive and couldn’t care less about what I was going through. We decided it was best to go our separate ways. Making that decision was a hard pill to swallow for me but seemed easy for him as he was married twice before (should have listened to my gut more and noticed the red flags, but hey).

I’m now going through a divorce but thankfully I am able to keep full custody of our son. My only goal in life now is to ensure I provide the best life for my little man (who’s now 2 years old). Its not easy, I miss Australia and my friends every day. Raising a 2 year old can be challenging at times, but I wouldn’t change my situation for the world. Even though my ex was not the right person for me, he gave me the most precious gift in the world: my son – and for that I am forever grateful.

Lessons learned:

• Don’t do online dating

• Take time to know someone before you commit

• Be independent no matter what

• Be positive and keep moving forward

• YOU’RE NOT STUCK; you’re just committed to certain patterns of behavior because they helped you in the past. Now those patterns have become more harmful than helpful. The reason why you can’t move forward is because you keep applying an old formula to a new level in your life. CHANGE THE FORMULA to get different results!

Laetitia is a senior sales executive in media. Being a single mum, she is also currently enrolling in real estate courses to be able to work from home and look after her little boy. She lives in the south of France and enjoys a nice work-life balance surrounded by her family and beautiful beaches.

@laetitiaelfassy

Kween Krush: HEIDI ANDERSON “Learning To Love Myself.”

Kween Krush: HEIDI ANDERSON “Learning To Love Myself.”

Kween Krush alert!! This is where we celebrate everyday women for being complete badass Wonder Women.

Heidi, we have a crush on you because you’re about to embark on a pretty important year. Not only are you fronting a new radio breakfast show (an honor normally given to the opposite sex) but you’re about to marry the love of your life, all whilst still vigorously working on yourself.

How different is the Heidi now, from the Heidi 5 years ago?

Same same but different.

I’m still loud, out-there & bubbly but I’m much more chilled & content. Radio has relaxed me a lot. I use so much of my energy in my job that outside of work I’m much more silent. 5 years ago, I operated at 100 million miles per hour. These days, a lot of that energy I use creatively and to bond with people. How I am when I’m drunk is how I used to be 24/7. No wonder I was single for so long!

Your brand is ‘Real Heidi’, a declaration of authenticity. Was opening up on an honest and raw level something that came naturally to you or was it a conscious choice?

It happened quite organically to tell you the truth. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve & spoken very freely & openly but when I was setting up my social handles after being on Big Brother, they told me to change my name from ‘Fake Heidi’ to ‘Real Heidi’ as people would know who I was. So ‘Real Heidi’ was born & it just fitted my brand. Working in commercial radio some of the topics I love to chat about were too taboo. My past male co-hosts found it too uncomfortable to discuss some topics on-air as well, so I started sharing them through my socials & people loved the real chat. I’m not one to just chit-chat, in fact I get awkward & anxious just chit-chatting. Getting real is where I’m at.

Why do you think as women we struggle to love ourselves? And what are some easy things we can do daily, to remind ourselves to cherish our heart, body and mind?

Oh god, it’s bloody tough for us women, comparison is huge for me and others! We compare ourselves to everyone and everything. Every girl on social media, at school, at work, on tv etc. We don’t do ourselves any favours by comparing & that’s something I’ve struggled with immensely.

Tips:

-Try & follow people on social media that don’t trigger you. If they’re causing you to have negative thoughts & feelings, simply unfollow. I did that a year ago; there was nothing wrong with these women and it wasn’t their issue, it was mine.

-Find something you like about yourself, your smile, your wit, your butt, etc. and celebrate it, whatever it is!

-Stop with the negative self-talk, it’s only holding you back, and stop giving so many fucks. We get one life. Enjoy it! It’s easy to say, but start pulling yourself up every time you do it. You’ll notice how bad it is.

-Rock what you got! As soon as you like yourself, you start to look after yourself.

With everything you have achieved, what are you most proud of?

Ha ha! I always think I haven’t achieved enough. How sad is that? Because when I stop now and think about it, I’ve achieved a hell of a lot. I think probably overcoming my anxiety & embracing it was my biggest achievement. It was honestly one of the darkest times, but now I look at it as a positive, as I have met some incredible people and it’s opened up many doors for others to share their stories. Connecting with people every day and making them feel something is pretty special too.

How does it feel to be a female leading an all-new-radio-breakfast-show in 2018? Nerve racking? Empowering??

I’m excited. I felt I lost my voice for a while, so it’s a new adventure with a whole new team. These guys are fun, vibrant, supportive & like my brothers. I’m pumped to see where it all goes.

What’s the greatest challenge being a female in the media industry?

As I mentioned previously, finding your voice & being supported. When you work with so many men and such big personalities you sometimes are made to feel misunderstood. It’s a tough industry, predominately male, so having them try to understand you can be hard.

You’re set to be married this year. Tell us one thing that excites you about that and one thing that scares you?

Just being his wife. Celebrating our love and commitment excites me. I just want a party & everyone to be together.

The one thing that scares me is saying the wrong name when exchanging vows. I told my partner Griffo this and he said “Oh well if you say your ex’s name, we’ll laugh and move on.” What a gem!

Tell us something about yourself that you haven’t shared on social media before?

Oh fuck, that’s a hard one, as I do speak so openly. Let me think… got it!

I do singing lessons for fun. Not because I’m good (far from it) but it makes me be mindful, present & in the moment. I love it.

What are your goals for 2018?

-Sober for 3 months (at least) for health reasons. On Sunday, I started a sobriety challenge and spent most of that day at the pub drinking soda. I got this!!

-Grow Real Heidi

-Walk more

-Do more yoga

-Continue to believe in myself

-Not give so many fucks about bullshit things that shouldn’t matter

-Love, live & find three things to be grateful for everyday.

-Oh yeah and write a book!

Carmela and Heidi have actually never met, but with them both working in radio and both constantly on the ‘socials’, it was only a matter of time till they would stumble across each other and bond over hashtags, lady-stuff and their favourite city London.

Obsessed with this Kween as much as we are and want to hear/know more?

You can catch Heidi 6-9am weekdays as one-third of ‘Heidi, Xavier and Ryan’ on Hit 92.9 in Perth. Also get a dose of kind-hearted honesty with Heidi’s podcast Real Heidi, Real People, Real Stories, follow her ‘lols’ on Twitter, and never miss a #inspoquote on Instagram.

Guest Kween: ANDIE TICKNER “The Roar Truth!”

Guest Kween: ANDIE TICKNER “The Roar Truth!”

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I stayed in a job that killed my soul.
In fact I stayed in many.
This has nothing to do with the jobs.
It has everything to do with my soul.

My calling.
My path, I’m here to walk in life.
The truth is, I waited far too long.
God knows I had the wake up calls.


They started gentle.
But then they got rough.
The universe showing me that there was an alternative.
Time and time again.
But I chose not to listen.


I thought I’d be able to handle it.
Command the energy to walk through those doors every day and bring my best.
Continue to work longer hours and give my all.


To sacrifice myself for a consistent pay cheque.
Sacrifice my happiness rather than face the fear of the unknown.
Sacrifice my health and mental state because I was too scared to leave.
Continue to fool myself that I could make it work.
Because that’s what we do right?

Until I was done.

Until I knew enough was enough.
Crippled with anxiety.
Overcome with confusion.
Looking for another way. Any way.
Going to the darkest of places.
Struggling to sleep.
Running on empty.
Unable to see the possibilities or ways out.
Until I had no choice but to make a choice.
A life worth living or a life of this?

So I chose a life worth living.

I chose to listen to my heart and follow my purpose.
My passion.
To make a choice to show up as me.
To speak my truth.
To live the life I desire.
To back myself and give it a go.
To step into the unknown.
To live without regrets and what if.
To choose myself.

Did it happen overnight?
Hell no.

Do I have it all figured out?
No.

Were there moments of self doubt and fear?
Yes absolutely. I still get them.

Can I always see the road ahead?
No.

Am I happy?
YES!

Gone is the stress, anxiety, darkness, unhealthy habits and bad relationships.
In its place is someone who is the happiest, calmest and most alive they’ve ever been.
If you find yourself thinking…. that sounds like me.

I promise you, it is easier than you think to make a change.
And guess what? The people and opportunities that come into your world when you align with who you really are and are ready to stand up and speak your truth… well they are just INCREDIBLE.

Check out Andie Tickner’s one woman empire below.

The Roar Truth

www.theroartruth.com

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