Girl code: what to do with the ones that break it?

Girl code: what to do with the ones that break it?

So, full disclosure, this venture called ‘So The Fairy Tales Lied…’ is about real, honest, warts-and-all stories. Stories you don’t normally see on social media. It’s also about supporting and uplifting women. We love women and men in equal measure. You’re all our #Kweens and we’re so stoked with the little community that we’ve created.

So forgive me for what I’m about to express, as it’s not overly in line with my usual feeling and comments towards our dear sisters.

Unfortunately of late, I haven’t been treated as well as I’d like to by some of my female friends. Some of those friends were ‘my people’. They weren’t just acquaintances but almost like family. But recently some of their actions has had me question…

“Why are women so awful to each other?”

“Why are women so competitive with each other?”

“Am I the only person honouring the ‘girl code’?”

“Does treating your female friends with the love and respect they deserve not a thing guaranteed from everyone?”

Bold questions I know. But I’d be lying to you and mostly to myself if I didn’t confess to it. I’m not proud of it and mostly want to know where these thoughts come from.

I mean, we’ve all had it. Our worlds rocked by the disloyalty of a friend. Friends that have not kept their word, friends that have not been entirely honest to your face, friends that have hooked up with the guy you really like.

Yep, that one stings a lot.

That happened to me recently and on my birthday (of all nights). I spent most of the evening confiding in my friend about how much I liked this guy and then the next minute her tongue was down his throat!

Why?

What makes it ok in someone’s head and heart that allows them to do that to another (let alone to a friend)? Embarrassing as it is to admit, this has actually happened to me more than a few times; mostly when I was in my teens. I guess I reserved that behaviour for immature teenagers or just being too young to know better but when it’s still happening in your 30s? Oh gosh!!

Also I’d never done that to a friend and won’t have to worry about doing it to one in the future because I would never. So I guess it’s really weird that I’ve accepted it from other people like I didn’t deserve better.

Well, not anymore.

I don’t expect everyone to treat me the way I treat them but I do except my friends to love and respect me. To consider my feelings. To be accountable for their actions. I can’t have the response be “I’m sorry but I was really really drunk.” I’m so sick of hearing that. How is that an excuse? That’s not good enough. I refuse to accept that as an apology.

The way I see it is, let’s please stop blaming alcohol for our awful behavior. If alcohol brings out the truth in people then has all it really done is just confirm how much of truly awful person you are? Maybe not.

So I ask, Kweens, when faced with betrayal, what do we do next? Do we forgive? Do we forget? Are some things unforgivable or unforgettable? Are we just as much to blame if we continue to allow these toxic people in our lives? How do we move forward? I’m struggling to just erase these feelings and act like it doesn’t bother me. Because it does. But I can erase these people from my life. Is that the answer?

What should be acknowledged too are the numerous women in my life that have never done this to me. Also the women that have, admitted they’re sorry and after working through it, our friendship has become stronger because of it. That counts as well.

So why am I so distraught when it initially happens? Do we hold the women in our lives to a higher esteem than we do men? Is that even ok? Why do we forgive the men in our lives a lot sooner than women? Have numerous bad dates and bad break-ups conditioned us this way? How unhealthy is that!?

Either way, can we please restore the girl code? Nothing is more powerful than women united. Empowered women, empower women.

So please, let’s be kind and always keep the well-being of our sisters in mind (Jesus. Did that just rhyme?). 😉

Big love,

Carmela

x

Introducing Carmela Contarino, the #PowerKween behind ‘So The Fairy Tales Lied…’ 👸🏻♥️✨

Carmela is an Aussie in London with wanderlust. A TV/Radio rebel. Fierce feminist. Loud laugh-er. Emotional eat-er. Pop culture cat. Red wine wooer and karaoke kween. She hopes that her experiences are just like yours, funny, warm, loud, raw and that maybe you can figure out this thing called ‘life’ together. #YasssKween 🙌🏼

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