A younger female friend of mine recently asked my opinion on why I thought she couldn’t find a boyfriend? Why were men not approaching her and asking her on dates?

She said she was feeling unloved, unwanted, uncomfortable about her future, lonely, vulnerable and a few other words that had me looking at her long and hard and feeling sad for her. Not sad because she didn’t have a lover, but that despite her being an amazing individual she felt like this.

We are pushed into stereotypes from a very young age.  Barbie’s got to marry Ken. That’s it.

Every Princess must find a Prince.

Getting married is the best thing that can ever happen to you.

Is it?

Really?

With 1 in 2 marriages ending in divorce isn’t it time in the 21st century that we shifted our focus from being happy together and being a happy individual? Should we not seek happiness within before we go and search for a partner?

This beautiful friend of mine is incredibly accomplished in her career and has a life I envy with her world travels, and her constant fun outings with friends, no strings attached. I look upon this with envy as a married woman of 20 years with an 11 year old child.

I’m not saying I’m unhappy but I’m going to say it, even though you are not suppose to say it: marriage is hard.

I always laugh at people who when getting married never focus on the marriage, they focus on the wedding. It’s like if the wedding is perfect then the marriage will be fantastic. I’m calling total bullshit on that.

Weddings, especially lavish, big ones are an extravagance that in this day and age should be relegated to the land of the dinosaurs. Buy a house, donate the money you would have spent on this opulent event to charity. Help yourself. Help other people.

Anyway, I digress. Marriage is like pushing a heavy wheelbarrow, that has no wheels, uphill. Yep, no wheels and it’s really heavy.

Sure, in the beginning it’s all about the limerence. But then this person you love so much starts to get under your skin. His Mother whilst very nice in the beginning is really a control freak who won’t leave your son alone and insists on calling everyday or every other day.

He, your husband you realise does not cut his toe nails with clippers but picks at them and leaves these little toenail surprises all around the house. You scratch your head and wonder why you didn’t notice this before.

Having a husband is like having a flatmate that you liked initially but you cannot escape from. OK, these things sound trivial, but trust me after a few years you want to grab those toenails and drop them in his coffee hoping he might choke.

You want to call his Mum and tell her to get a life and stop calling and asking him what I was making for dinner. Why do you care you old bag?

Imagine how much better Hilary Clinton’s life would have been if she had not married Bill. Crikey, she may have been President of the USA by now.

Girls, if you are not married or in a serious relationship don’t worry, don’t panic.

You are NOT picking up after somebody. You are NOT having to concern yourself with their problems, dealing with his whack job of a family, stroking his ego.

Have a think about that whilst you sip your Pinot Grigio in the comfort of your own apartment, listening to your favourite music and eating what you want .

Ronni Swintek is a Mother, Wife, Woman of the World and Professional Media person.

@RonniSwintek